Pete Mallaby

A lovely man. He bore it so well. Always a smile trying to burst out right to the end. RIP ‘Lucky Pierre’ (look that one up in the Viz Comic Roger’s Profanisaurus for a giggle. He’d have liked that.

Shane and Pete got together around the time me and my late wife Sarah met. Shane had been Sarah’s lodger but had fast become one of her best friends. As soon as they were together we knew they were right for each other. They were so devoted to each other and it was so moving to see how that relationship never faltered despite some incredible challenges. Sending love and hugs to you Shane. You’re a wise and kind man.

Pete, you were a special person and bravely dealt with the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” sent your way. Wherever you are now, I hope you are dancing and free.

It was always a highlight of my trips to West Norwood, seeing Pete and Shane. Joy and laughter shared there and in Brixton, we will remember Pete with lots of love and a little sadness that his last years were so challenging. Rave on Pete.

now Reunited with Robert and your mam and dad loved and remembered forever pete x always in our thoughts shane love you both xx

I only knew Pete in his latter years but whenever I met him I was greeted by the warmest of welcomes, an infectous smile and twinkle in his eye. Despite insurmountable struggles his zest for life truly shone through and it was a privilege and inspiration to know him.

I had the great privilege of working with Pete at HPS. A lovely human, a great tutor in our year team and always with a friendly smile and giggle. I’m sorry I cannot be there in person but will light a candle for Pete.

It was April, 1985 when I first met Pete. I was visiting Holland Park School during the Easter holidays before I started teaching there in the following term. I remember it well, Pete’s warm friendliness and immensely cheerful demeanour. We became great friends, in and out of the school, enjoying many different social activities from the dog races at Catford to ballet to club nights at Heaven. I even got Pete to the Emirates stadium once to watch Arsenal lose. Responsible teachers – well just about! Teachers generally talk far too much about teaching, but not Pete. I don’t recall ever really having any ‘teaching’ conversations with him, not that he wasn’t dedicated to the students  and the school. Quite the opposite. Pete was a hugely popular, trusted and well respected teacher. His pupils knew that he always had their best interests at heart. My memories of Pete are a composite picture of vastly entertaining images, which still make me smile today; Pete’s wicked sense of humour at the forefront of it all. Pete in the BBC computer room on the blue staircase with these huge computers that he was always fixing. He taught every pupil in the school computing – a reality that would frequently make him roar (or cackle) with laughter. Pete Mallaby, previously bingo caller in Stockton now had sole responsibility for teaching computing to a whole new generation of teenagers. We were frequently badly behaved, never mind the pupils– the odd sickie together, day trips to Boulogne, mass protests, union marches. It was the 80s after all. Pete embraced it all with irrepressible good humour and a razor-sharp wit. He fully entertained us; stories about his mother’s poodles, his own school truancy, nights out, dressing up, outrageous outfits, his love-life, holidays with Jonny, experimenting with homoeopathy, Countdown, quizzes. There was certainly no time to talk about teaching. Difficult times followed. My ever-endearing memory is Pete’s kindness no matter what he was dealing with and his capacity to support others. He was the perfect rock for me, providing a non-judgemental space which transcended all those restricting and normalised boundaries of expectation. We were joint NUT union reps one year and went together to the Stoke Rockford training course in Grantham of all places. I was finally pregnant and heavily so. We spent a happy time giggling in the Jacuzzi together whilst avoiding the pensions session. The consequences of Pete’s Parkinson’s diagnosis were devastating. Fiona and I prepared and gave his leaving speech and collection, although as it transpired 2 or 3 years before he actually left Holland Park. Of course, this was a source of great amusement to him. Following our efforts, we discovered he was actually just moving office to one with an even bigger computer as the school timetabler. He was dearly loved by all and Holland Park was not going to let him go that easily. Even TFL made sure he arrived safely at Notting Hill Gate from Brixton each morning. Bitter sweet times, because they coincided with Pete meeting the love of his life, Shane. He and Shane were determined to let nothing stand in their way and little did. They partied, travelled and made many new friends. Pete’s irrepressible wit remained present in his eyes when speech let him down. His courage and fortitude over the years have been absolutely extraordinary Peter Mallaby, a wonderfully warm, compassionate, witty and intelligent man. He started planning his funeral a long time ago – he fancied black gladioli. I know he hoped that if he could just live long enough, a Parkinson’s cure would eventually come. That didn’t happen, but fortunately for us all, Pete’s northern resilience together with Shane’s immense love and devotion meant that we enjoyed Pete longer than we could ever have hoped. His passing is a profound loss, it brings home all that Pete lost and we lost during his final years and finally allows us to grieve for this dear and very lovely man. Toy xxxxx

My condolences to Shane and to the others in his family. Best wishes, Conrad x

I’m sorry I never had the chance to meet you in your former years. However it was still a huge pleasure nonetheless. Your cheeky sense of humour, positive attitude and kindness shone through. Thanks for accepting me into yours and Shane’s life Pete. Rest in Pride you gorgeous man

My condolence to Shane im sorry I didn’t know you both years ago. Kath and all the McCarty family.

Dear Pete, I’ll always remember you for the great kindness you showed us when we were first married, post honeymoon, living out of a suitcase whilst getting our new home habitable. Your generosity and hospitality, and the occasional question of ‘when is it going to be ready?’ Asked with a twinkle in your eye. Your sharp tongue, always combined with such humour, we miss that, it’s with great fondness that I remember you Pete, and sadness at the difficult journey the last decades of your life took, with love Paul xxx

I first met Pete at Leeds university, around 1980. His nickname was Pink Pete – he loved wearing pink and big mohair jumpers. In the early 80’s, Pete, Anne and I shared a house in north London. Pete organised the household brilliantly, with shopping, cooking and cleaning duties all on a spreadsheet! Thank goodness he was there to keep us in some semblance of order! I loved Sundays in our house. We would all be hung over after a night of clubbing and after Pete had prepared his lessons for school, we would cook lavish roast dinners, listen to the Eurythmics, gossip about the night before and laugh to the point of tears. I feel lucky to have these wonderful memories of a such a brave, kind, funny, warm-hearted friend. Pete, you will never be forgotten.

I met Pete at Leeds University in the late 1970’s. Not sure how we met, as we weren’t on the same course. But he was never a typical mathematician! We bonded through our shared love of disco and dancing. Known at the time as Pink Pete to all his friends, he was great fun to party with! One holiday he invited me to his parent’s house in Stockton-on-Tees, and I met the legendary poodles. He took me out to the local Casino; he knew how to show a girl a good time. After University, we shared a house with Gill in London. We carried on clubbing, with the odd march or demonstration thrown in. This was the 80’s after all. Then we went our separate ways. I was so glad when Pete met Shane, and found a wonderful life partner. But the news that he then developed Parkinsons, at such a youg age, was devastating. It seemed particularly cruel that this should have happened to someone so full of life and fun. But, at the same time, he was fortunate to have such a dedicated, skilled and loving carer as Shane. Recent years must have become increasingly hard, but I was so impressed with the way that both of them coped with the cards that life had dealt them. Rest in peace, dear Pete. You were much loved and will be truly missed ❤️ xx

I met Pete at HPS in my second year of teaching. His reputation as an advocate for Gay Rights at ULU preceded him. I hadn’t realised he was gay when I first met him, but all made sense once I had all the info! We shared our first tutor group, 25 eleven year olds. Notting Hill’s finest offspring including a regular trumpet player on London’s jazz circuit and one of the club scenes first ever scratchers. They were 11 years old! We had just enough “of a clue” to be of any use! Thank you, Pete❤️ We attended every strike, demo and walkout in support of education, the ILEA, the miner’s strike and teachers’ pay – a lot of industrial action. Pete was always there for me when I needed a kind word; my first foray into solo life in Brixton, break-ups, new romance and my first gay bar visit. I particularly remember a trip at Christmas time to the North East with my sister. We listened to a ghost story in the car on The Long Trek North. We were all absolutely terrified Pete babysat for our boys a few times. They used to watch Supermarket Sweep and make jigsaw puzzles together- fond memories. Thank you for all the good times, Pete ❤️

My heart goes out to Shane & the family at this time. But what a delighting force of nature you were Pete & what an absolute privilege to have known you. With all my love & gratitude. Charlie

We all knew it would come to this day but it doesn’t alleviate the sadness. It was a privilege to have known someone so good a person as Pete. Generous, gentle, loving. It was Pete’s eternal positivity, wit and the famous chuckle that helped us through each tough day in the exams office. Pete taught me excel when he joined Pat and me in the exams team. I enjoyed our chats during our journeys to school. I felt I could talk to him about anything. He had a profound wisdom. ‘You’ve got to be corruptible to get corrupted’, Pete once said in the context of what was happening around us at the time. That was the mark of the man. I remember seeing him before his surgery and he was the same optimistic, funny Pete. Shane’s unwavering love made him bounce back each time he was admitted to hospital during the past few months. Fighter until the end. An inspiration. Lots of love Pete xx Basuli

I first met Pete at a friend’s birthday party in Earl’s Court in 1994 along with his more established friends. The first of many fun, and often very long, nights out. I was soon welcomed into the group of friends and have remained there ever since.  Pete was always warm and funny and had a glint in his eye that said he instinctively knew where you were coming from … and maybe where the conversation was heading! Pete had an open door and I always felt welcomed to call in whenever I passed by … and he always seemed pleased to have friends drop by unannounced. Whatever difficulties came Pete’s way, he carried on with dignity and never ever complained. He was a lovely man, warm, funny … one of a kind.   We will miss him. Steve xxx

My condolences to Shane and all Petes family and friends. I have known Pete since we were at Stockton Sixth College and was part of a great group of friends. I visited him when he was at university in Leeds and it was a fun packed few days. We always stayed in touch and a few years ago we as a group of friends had a reunion where we got to meet Shane. Shane has now become a friend as well. I am sorry I won’t be there in person to say goodbye but will be there in spirit and will watch on the Web cam. The photo is from when Pete was 17. Goodbye my friend.

We first met Pete whilst studying at Leeds Uni in our Computer Science Lectures. Pete seemed to be very fond of sitting next to me – showing his wicked sense of humour, hand on my knee to make a point at times!!! We quickly realised he was gay but this didn’t change our friendship and was a continual source of fun and laughs which we all enjoyed. There were lots of parties, somehow Pete always seemed to be there dressed in something pink. His diagnosis of Parkinsons was a great shock but he was brave and stoic throughout continuing to live life to the full with Shane. He was a kind and thoughtful man with a wicked wit and great sense of humour. We will miss him greatly. Our hearts go out to Shane who has devoted so much love and care to Pete over the years.

Gosh where to start to remember Pete Mallaby? So many memories over the last  31 years but I guess my earliest memory of Pete is of those blue twinkly eyes that shone with joy + kindness and a truly impish sense of fun. I was first introduced to Pete by Jacqs Duncan and Jane Grant who’d met him in the Fridge night club in Brixton, conveniently just down the road from my flat in Brixton Hill Court. Pete was at a New Year’s Eve party on the cusp of  92/93 + part of a close knit group of friends that included Stephen Curtis, Johnny, Neil and Stevie. They were all so genuinely warm and friendly and welcomed us three girls and our other partner in crime, Robbie Burton into their lives with open arms determined to introduce us to the London gay clubbing scene which of course we all embraced with gusto. Pete lived on Rushcroft Road, not far from my flat in Brixton Hill Court and Stevie and Neil were in Streatham, forming a perfect axis of fun, endlessly hospitable bases for impromptu parties , dinners, chill outs and various celebrations of which there were many. It was a time of hedonism, unadulterated joy and very little responsibility.  There was always music, always mix-tapes, always cider, (Pete’s favourite tipple) much laughter  + of course the dressing up box.  Mrs Mallaby was the queen of dressing up + this was the gift that kept on giving.  His penchant for Lady Di + wigs was well known and found creative expression at many of our parties. The Queen of re invention Mrs Mallaby could veer dramatically between channelling a slightly sluttish Diana, to an elegant ‘Lady Di goes to the Ball’ and then beautifully segue into a prim Miss Jean Brodie all within the space of one night.  It was all very niche, all very Pete + we would all be crying with laughter. So many laughs.  Pete was never the loudest at the party, but he was definitely one of the funniest. Petes currency was kindness and one liners. His dry humour and ascerbic wit was legendary. He gossiped but it was gentle never malicious, the humanity within never far from the surface  He had a particular way of speaking, you had to listen carefully he spoke so quickly, but listen you did for those golden nuggets of humour which appeared almost effortlessly out of nowhere,  He was also an extremely generous + hospitable host, you never felt like you’d outstayed your welcome, food, fags ( because everyone smoked back then) and the cider just never seemed to run out.  Occasionally I’d have to evict an unwanted guest who’d somehow managed to tag along at the fag end of a club night as Pete was obviously too polite to ask them to leave. And as like me, Pete was often the last one up and so as fellow northerners we bonded over our love of Victoria Wood and Bingo.  Pete rarely complained. Even when his flat in Rushcroft Road was burned to a cinder in a horrific fire. Following the fire he stayed with me in Brixton Hill Court but he did not wallow in any self pity, his approach was just dust yourself down and get on with it. And as his illness progressed over the years brutally chipping away at the Pete we knew and loved this stoicism and dignity remained. Yet in later years when he could barely communicate it was still possible to detect that flicker in the eyes and have a fairly good idea what he was thinking.  I’d say those early 90’s days are some of the happiest memories of my life in London as together with our lovely group of clubbing playmates, we travelled up and down the country on mini breaks to Skegness, trips to Alton Towers, holidays in Cornwall, celebrating significant birthdays in Suffolk and Devon, clubbing in Manchester, dog racing in Catford + queer ballet + theatre in london. Of course all these diverse interests reflecting the brilliance and complexity of Pete Mallaby.  How lucky are we to have had Pete in our lives + how lucky was Pete to find Shane who showed nothing but love, care + devotion over the last couple of decades whilst not only trying to navigate the vagaries of the social care system but also to create a home that was always comfortable + welcoming to friends.  A gentleman, a friend and quite simply an exceptional human being. It was a pleasure + a privilege to know you Pete.   RIP Mrs Mallaby, gone but never forgotten, somewhere, somehow, I like to think you’ll still be sprinkling your magic, making sure that not only does everyone in the room fall in love with you, but that they should always know the joy of a well stocked dressing up box.  All my Love Sara ‘flaps’ Forbes xxxx 

I remember first meeting my uncle Pete in New Plymouth, New Zealand many moons ago now, at my nana and grandads Joan and Keith Wood’s house (Shane’s mum and dad) on Elliot street. Pete was into his illness by this stage of life, however that did not stop the jokes, banter and laughter that were shared. I loved hanging out with my uncles when they came to visit, we always went out for nice food and went on adventures in amongst nature, and I was told about the many adventures Pete and Shane would enjoy together. Pete never let his illness get in the way of living life to the fullest. I was always welcomed to visit them in the UK but unfortunately still haven’t been blessed with the opportunity. One day I promise:) I’m sending all of our families love over from NZ to stand with you in spirit at this time of remembrance. Till we meet again Pete, lots of love Amy xox

Pete was such a lovely person, truly special as many other people have said. We lived with Pete and Shane at their house in Brixton for many years and from my first telephone call to ask about a rented room they treated us like family. Pete was such great fun, such a nice guy, never letting Parkinson get in the way of living as he planned to. Every now and then he will try to clear a room and photos, books and memories will come tumbling down, and he will tell me stories of his friends and his family and Stockton and Holland Park and his partying and we will end up laughing and putting all back in. He loved his friends dearly and Shane immensely. We will miss him very much.

We first met Pete through Shanes friendship with Matthew who he went to school with here in New Plymouth NZ. We spent a sunny day at the New Plymouth races and enjoyed Petes sense of humor. Shane & Pete obviously enjoyed each others company and made a lovely couple. In 2015 we visited the UK & got to stay with Pete and Shane which was wonderful and they were both very hospitable thanks guys appreciated that. Great memories. Our love and thoughts to Shane and Petes friends and families xxx RIP Pete x

Bless you Peter. RIP.

I can barely remember a time before knowing Pete, as he was one of my mum Katy’s most beloved friends. He always radiated warmth and made me feel so comfortable. I remember wishing that he was my teacher. He will be dearly missed by so many. I’m sorry that I can’t be there today, but I’m lighting a candle and sending all my love. Rest in peace, Pete xxx

I can barely remember a time before knowing Pete, as he was one of my mum Katy’s most beloved friends. He always radiated warmth and made me feel so comfortable. I remember wishing that he was my teacher. He will be dearly missed by so many. Sorry I can’t be there today, but I’m lighting a candle and sending all my love. Rest in peace, Pete xxx

Shane We’d not met before yesterday but I jut wanted to say how lucky Pete was to have you ❤️ I have lots of fond memories of Pete at HPS – our social committee group was just the best – Colin and Cliff in the middle photo were there yesterday along with myself in the middle of the gorgeous Sally and Joyce. Pete was the best – he was dearly loved by everyone xx

Fond memories of wonderful times in Brixton , funny and kind Mrs Mallaby. Condolences to Shane x

Dear Shane, I was so sorry to hear this news . Pete was a lovely lovely man, I have fond memories of him. Arohanui , Rebecca Fawkner

i met Pete and Shane while working at their house. Pete would make every effort and be part of the banter that we enjoyed, Too see them together was a treat for anyone who recognises true love.

I was sorting some papers just now and came across a note to meet Pete at Hammersmith tube on 14 Oct 1985. I have no idea why we were meeting now, but it led me to search for Pete online and was sad to find the (albeit lovely) tribute to him in the Guardian. I had no idea he had died. (I went to Germany in the 80s and we lost touch.) Pete and I did our PGCEs at the Institute of Education at the same time, and I remember how he used to make me laugh with his incredible sense of humour. He once told me how he had to give up yoga because it got so embarrassing when he would fall asleep and then wake up to find the others chanting in a circle in a different part of the room. He was the kindest of people.